I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
