i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
