I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
