maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
