Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
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Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
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I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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