is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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