It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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