She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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