i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Is Oprah even human
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
