I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
