Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
