Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
