I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
