He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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