I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
