Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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