I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
