Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
