literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
