shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
