I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Randomize
