Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
