I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
from now on my penis is your penis
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
