I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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