on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
