Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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