i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
