i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
