I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize
