tell your sister to shave her snatch
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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