She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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