How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
