Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
