She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
