He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
