mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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