I'd wear matching sweaters with you
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
