does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
