Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
