oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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