In the future we'll all be gay
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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