Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
