I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
