Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
