No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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