Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
