I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
