I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
