How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
