guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
