i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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