1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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