moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
