hotel room ftw
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
