Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
