i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
If I die, sorry about rent.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
