Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
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I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
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So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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