if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My liver just broke up with me...
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
