well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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