Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
