So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
