I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
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