Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize