i would punch a child for taco bell
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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