P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
