I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
