i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
