so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
