I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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