Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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