I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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