he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
