no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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