I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
