In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
