He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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