eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
