Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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